It’s kind of embarrassing to ask, but I have a pretty small vagina, and am really nervous about my new boyfriend who is more…well endowed. Any hints?
-Small but not timid
Although you probably wouldn’t guess, this is actually a “problem” I hear a lot, and something I myself have had experience with, so I’ll do my best to allay your fears and see if you get you to having fabulous, non-intimidating sex in no time!
Well, first of all, this is definitely a hard subject to broach; either with your friends, or with your sexual partners; and I know this from trial and error. Entering a conversation with “soooo… by the way, I have a tight pussy and…” tends to kill the mood, and your close friends may either break into giggles, or stare at you, eyes buldging, as they try to figure out if you’re joking, bragging, or asking for advice. You then have to get into the whole spiel about how “no, no, it’s not always a good thing, in fact, it CAN be a problem!” I was with a guy that was blessed enough that we had to stop after 10 minutes or so, because HE was getting sore. So I know your pain.
Firstly, I’ve found that it’s VERY important, as always, to be fully aroused before penetration. The more aroused you are, the more your vaginal tissues swell, and get squishy, which means they are more malleable, AND the vaginal canal balloons slightly during and after an orgasm, so this would be an ideal time to advocate for a (or a few) climaxes before his…manhood if you will, comes near your vagina.
Next, lube. I love lube. In fact, I’m considering investing in Eros’ stocks. You cannot have (well, I guess if you used the entire bottle… but otherwise you can’t) have too much lube if you’re dealing with a smaller, or tighter, than average vagina. Some guys pull the whole “but it decreases friction” thing; well, feel free to tell them exactly HOW much friction there is, and assure them that there will be a lot more friction with the lube than there would be without it, since you wouldn’t be having sex in that case. It usually gets them to be more understanding. So lube on up - this can be an extension of foreplay too; play with it, have both of you put in on and in, enjoy your and his fingers exploring, etc.
I’ve also found that positions can help A LOT. If you’re all about the missionary, place a pillow (or two) under your hips (also a great tip if it’s your first time with vaginal penetration, as you’ll experience less muscle ache and soreness the next day). By angling your pelvis this way, you’re placing your vagina in such a way that it can relax more, which allows it to be more mobile, and less tight, making it feel better, and able to enjoy it more when you are penetrated. You can open your legs, move them up or down; this position gives you a lot of diversity as to what you can do to feel better.
Another great position that I thought I’d hate, but I really enjoy and have talked to many women who feel the same way, is the one known as “doggy style” (although is more professionally called kneeling rear entry), where the person being penetrated is on their hands and knees (or you can cross your arms, and place them and your head on the bed/floor/etc so you make more of a triangle shape) and the penetrator is behind them. This position opens up your vagina a lot more, and makes it easier access for the person doing the penetration, so that they can feel more, and your vagina may feel slightly looser.
Hopefully some of these tips have helped; goodness knows it’s not the easiest subject to get advice on from others. However, this is definitely something to talk to your partner about. If they know some of your anxieties, you two can work together on figuring out the best way to have vaginal sex without you becoming sore, or hurting. Sex involves communication, and this is especially crucial at this time.
Best of luck, and have fun play genital Legos,
Essin’ Em
Feeling frisky? Get creative and find what works best for you with Advanced Sexual Positions:
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