Hey Essin’ Em! All these magazines try to sell themselves with “sizzling” sex tips, but they all seem to be the same, and many of them I do anyways in my sex life already. How do I know which ones are any good, and which are just from some bored writer looking to make an even 100?
-Under Whelmed in Utah
Head to the grocery, and you can pick any “women’s” magazine of your choice, and find a bevy of sex tips. They have exciting titles like “101 Ways to Please Your Man” or “99 Ways to Spice Things Up with Your Lover” (don’t ask me where those extra two tips happened to go). But you pose a good question - how does one know which are worth trying, and which are just the editors making up crazy ideas to fill space? Worse yet, what happens when you’ve already done tips 1-97 (except number 43!) before they even started publishing sex tips in magazines?
Well, in the latter case, you’re quite creative, and I tip my polka-dot headband to you and your sexual creativity. For the other issues, I’m making this column about some of the more popular that I think are actually worthwhile (although I think many of them are honestly just common sense). Some may seem blasé, others not as much as a sex tips as just fun ideas, but I hope you enjoy!
“It’s ok to be aggressive. Many people find that sexy.”
Of course it is! While sometimes it’s nice to having ‘lovely-dovey, caring, romantic sex,’ sometimes you also want to have ‘push me up against the wall, wrap your hand in my hair and pull, hurried, hot, passionate sex.’ Nothing wrong with varying the speed, intensity and passion levels. If you’re hot and horny and feel like jumping your partner when they walk in the door, go for it (just make sure they’re not carrying groceries or breakables).
“Use those silky evening gloves/that fur stole/some ice cubes to vary the sensations that you’re giving to your partner.”
Sounds good to me. Touch is one of the senses most often associated with sexual touch, and the certainly go hand in hand. All sorts of stuff you have around the house can be used to mix up the feelings of touch. Leather gloves, silk sheets, ice cubes, warming lubricant (don’t put on/near the genitals unless you test it first!), feather dusters, you name it. There are all sorts of exciting things just lying around that can be turned into incredibly arousing sexual play toys.
“Don’t be afraid to play with yourself in front of your partner.”
Goddess knows I’ve been advocating this one forever. Sex is good. Masturbation is also good sex. You can do it at the beginning of an encounter to show your partner how turned on you are, and what direction you’d like the night to go, flicking your nipples, running your hands all over your body, slowly creeping them towards your more intimate areas. Or the two (or more) of you can masturbate together, showing each other what turns you on the most. It can be amazingly hot to watch your partner touch themselves in the perfect way, and watching their climax is outstanding.
“Leave an article or two of clothing on. There is something sexy about being so turned on, you didn’t have time to get completely naked.”
Well, I suppose there is that take on it; so horny that you can’t even stop to take off your clothes, or you’re just going for a quickie, and so it makes sense not to get 100% naked. It could also be sexy if you’re being a little exhibitionist, and are scared of being caught, so you are sexing it up under a skirt, or through a pair of pants. And last but not least, sometimes it’s not what you see, but what you don’t see what is arousing. Wondering what exactly she’s wearing under that skirt, or what he looks like under his button down shirt can provoke some hot images. A final note on this; I love a good garter belt and stockings, and think they should be left on in 90% of sexual situations. But that’s totally my own opinion.
“Reach down with a finger or two and taste yourself. Your partner will be really turned on by seeing you do that.”
Now, this is a matter of personal preference, and certainly isn’t for everyone. However, if you’re nervous about your partner going down on you, this is a good way to see what you really taste like, and hopefully relieve your concerns. Plus, it shows your partner that you’re comfortable with yourself. It also might feel a little naughty, since it’s not considered something that “good girls” do. I can’t describe why it usually works so well, but let’s just say I’ve never had a bad result with this little “tip”…and I think it’s incredibly sexy when my partners do it as well. Another way to change this idea is after your partner has gone down on you, or fingered you, suck your juices off of their fingers or lips - again, not ever everyone, but some people (yours truly included) can find this especially hot.
Basically, most tips these magazines give have some sort truth behind them, however deep you may have to dig in order to get there. My biggest beef with them is that not only are they pretty much exclusively heterosexual (because we all know that lesbians NEVER read mainstream women’s magazines…right?), but they tend to come at things from a “how to please your man” aspect, rather then “how to communicate with your partner to have the best sex life you can have” direction, which is what I like to read about. Remember, the best sex toy is your brain, and anyone can create their own “123 sizzling hot sex tips” - they just need to think about what turns them (and their partner) on, and voila, those are the best tips that work for them.
Beware the sticky pages,
Essin’ Em
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