My partner watches porn all the time…does that mean that he wants me to be blonde and skinny with big boobs, and get cum all over my face? Does his watching porn mean he wants someone better or different? Am I just not good enough for him?
-Jane from Morristown, NJ
For this question, I decided that I needed some male opinions as well, because I don’t have a penis, so I can’t answer completely for them as a whole (well, I could, but I’d prefer to give y’all more accurate information). So thanks to the guys that answered my probing inquiries on this one.
The general consensus among the boys was that no, they don’t want you to be porn stars. One even went so far as to say that the only reason he watches porn with woman that have fake breasts is because that is all there is out there (and while there are some companies that aren’t like that, he is right in that the majority of porn uses a certain type of woman). Many guys said that they don’t like breast implants, or bleached blonde hair, and they certainly don’t want their girlfriends changing themselves into starlets; there is a reason that they are dating you, and it probably has nothing to do with the color of your hair or natural vs. realness of your breasts.
Another thing that we talked about a lot was imagination. Porn opens peoples’ minds, stimulates the imagination, and provides something different than the norm. It’s kind like eating food; you can absolutely LOVE something…let’s say chocolate (not that I’m channeling or anything!). You can eat lots of chocolate, different flavors, different types, etc, but eventually, you will get tired of chocolate (I know from experience…ever have a chocolate Passover seder? It’s over before the 3rd cup of chocolate milk), and have to move on to some other delectable treat, or at least take a break. Porn can provide the same change of scenery for both guys and gals, without having to try the real thing. For some guys, seeing the girls on the screen can make them realize how thankful they are for the woman that they have; beautiful, real, and in love with them.
Granted, some people might get ideas from porn; “hey honey, we’ve never tried it on the kitchen counter…want to give it a go?” but by and large, most guys do not want their significant other to emulate the star of cum sucking MILF whores gone wild volume 69 (in the same way that I personally don’t ever want any of my partners to slap me across the face with their dick, yet that happens in a lot of the porn I watch). Porn is just something different, some of it is arousing, some of it is watched solely for WTF (what the fuck) value, and some of it is just because it’s there. And women watch porn too (clearly…look at what site you’re on!), and I don’t think the majority of us expect our partners to be exactly what we see on the screen.
Let’s take romance novels as well. Romance novels, or Bodice Rippers as my mother calls them, are a completely acceptable form of erotica for women…I even gave a historically accurate one to my high school English teacher. You can buy them in the store with out feeling to awkward, and most sales clerks won’t even bat an eye. Yet, what is in romance novels (other than far too much plot, and many strange synonyms, like “sword sheathed in velvet” or “flowering bud of womanly desire)? Porn. Yup, good old written-word porn. I’ve read it, my friends read it, and middle-aged ladies on my train read it. How many of us really want some Scottish rouge from the highlands to sweep us off our feet and drag us back to his castle to worship our bodies? Ok, bad example, but seriously, we read these books because they are fantasy; we can imagine doing things we might never want to try, and we can imagine being with people that we’d never want to be with in real life. Visual porn is similar; inspiring, arousing, fantasy, but not what we want to come home to every night.
Maybe you would feel more comfortable if the two of you checked out some porn together, so it doesn’t seem so secret, or like he’s trying to distance himself from you. Check out some movies that are by women, or made for women (we’ve got plenty) that the two of you can watch together. See if you can find a movie you both like, or a fantasy that the two of you share; you don’t have to watch hard core or fake breasts if you don’t want to. Find something that if comfortable for the both of you. OR, try looking for some stuff on your own, whether that’s written word or visual. Every person has different fantasies and turn-ons - find yours and run with it.
Just remember, while he might be checking out the porn stars on screen, who is it that get goes to bed with? You. And that’s what matters.
I’ll be watching you,
Essin’ Em
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